Thursday, February 20, 2014

Things I Wouldn't Recommend

So the other day I was scrolling through my Facebook wall and saw some pretty interesting posts. I've done a lot of...slightly silly things in my life. Therefore, I am giving you my tips for life based on my top facepalm moments.

(source: pinterest) this was the only photo that seemed appropriate for this post

Things I would not recommend:

Making a chipotle sauce with Greek yoghurt and canned chipotles before work and immediately touching up your under eye concealer with your fingers afterwards. Although it did kind of give me that wide-eye look I was going for.

Using an immersion blender to make cookie dough. Probably the least funny mistake I've ever made. But the bandages were pretty amusing. How? What? You don't even want to know.

Swinging a La Senza bag with unmentionables in it while walking downtown on a windy day. You may end up with said unmentionables in the middle of the crosswalk and having a stranger hand them back to you. You may nearly die of laughter for the rest of the day if this happens.

Getting lost on your way home from the furthest point of Vancouver possible with a dead without a cell phone charger. You may end up having to ask the lady in London Drugs what city you are in, Home Alone style.

Getting a job at one of the fanciest restaurants in one of the fanciest hotels in Vancouver, and breaking every single glass they own. It will probably NOT get you a job in another part of the hotel, because they do not want you to touch anything in their hotel ever again. Don't worry, this was like 10 years ago. I can totally carry glassware. Most of the time I can carry two at once!

Not checking your emails before sending when you update your phone and your auto correct goes all funny. Definitely called my new business contact Dad instead of Dan.

Slamming your finger in a cab door. You will spend the rest of the summer with zero fingernail and a zillion Dora band-aids.

Speeding in the United States. If you do get pulled over, apparently saying that you couldn't read the miles on your dashboard (it WAS really small) so you didn't realise you were speeding works. Also twirling your hair.

Writing your Christmas list in code in case your husband decides to go through your Christmas themed notebooks for some bizarre reason. You will probably not be able to understand the code and have to buy everyone non genius Christmas presents.

Borrowing your mom's truck to go buy a bookcase off Craigslist in the middle of the day and then getting it home only to realise you have no way of getting it inside the house and your mom needs her truck back. Oh, and then if you go to someone's house in a borrowed vehicle to pick up a Craigslist find, then take your OWN keys as well. Then you won't have to climb through your own bedroom window and land in your dog's bed.

I have a feeling this will only be part one of this until next time.

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