I have a confession to make. I am struggling.
My baby is almost 12 weeks, and I am struggling.
Believe it or not, I'm NOT struggling being a mom. That part is easy. I love taking care of people, and the fact that she's mine and Leigh's makes it easy. I trust my instincts, I do the best I can and I don't really worry about the rest. I call my mom, I ask Leigh's mom, I google stuff, I try different things, but I don't really stress deep down. I know my baby is thriving.
But I am not. I am struggling to take care of MYSELF. To eat better. To eat enough in the first place. To exercise. To go for a massage because it feels like I've been beat up. To straighten my hair and put on some makeup. I don't feel good. It's not about weight, although the scale has not budged since Arianna was a month old, despite breastfeeding. It's about feeling good about myself and enjoying my life. FACT: not feeling good about yourself can take away from moments of your life. When you are self conscious, or exhausted, or don't fit into any of your clothes, or look back at a picture and aren't happy with what you see.
I keep thinking, I'm going to start tomorrow. I'm a personal trainer, and I know for a fact no one ever starts tomorrow. So how in the world do we get the motivation to move forward TODAY and put ourselves on the priority list? I know it will be worth it once I get started so I'm going to do that. I'm going to start.
Because I know the value of being accountable to others, that's what I'm going to do. I'm telling you all that I'm going to make myself a priority from this moment on. I actually started today. I ate protein pancakes while the clock still said AM. I know I don't have much time to blog at the moment, so my plan is to use my fitness instagram again. If you are anything like me, you probably hate when people post nonstop fitness posts (or maybe nonstop baby posts, in which case you are probably no longer following me) which is why I'm going to use a separate instagram. I'm going to attempt to document each and every choice I make that constitutes as taking care of myself. I'm also going to document when I'm struggling.
So if you want to follow along, I'll be posting daily on my instagram: @tarenfit
Here goes nothing!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Where to start. I thought I loved this kid as soon as I saw her but that was nothing compared to now. I totally love her more and more each day as she grows. I'm pretty sure I'm driving my facebook friends nuts and I totally give you permission to unfollow me if you are sick of my kid on your newsfeed. Eventually I will have other things to post about but for now I have to stop myself from posting every pic I take and occasionally post about something non baby related.
Weight: as of Dec 16 she was 11lbs. I'm sure she's grown since then but she hasn't been weighed yet.
Height: 24 inches
Feeding: We are pretty much exclusively breastfeeding now! I was using a little bit of formula but the last two times I thought she was still hungry and tried to give her some she was just like um no thanks! After working my butt off to get my supply up I think I'm finally there! Except with my cold it feels like it's going back down a bit. She never seems over hungry so I think we are doing good. After such a rough start, I'm happy to say she latches super easily now and is very efficient at eating. Woohoo!
Sleep: I've got a whole post on this to write, but Arianna has gone from being a not great sleeper to a pretty amazing one. Not sleeping through the night yet, which is fine because she's still a growing girl and needs her food! However, she usually only wakes up once. I super swaddle her every night and for at least one nap and she sleeps in her basinett. Sometimes if I am super tired and she's fussing I will bring her into bed with me and she will sleep a little bit longer. She wakes up super happy in the morning, she's so much fun. I have done a ton of research and am somewhat sleep training her early in that I let her fall asleep completely on her own. I am not letting her "cry it out" BUT I definitely notice when she is trying to fall asleep and cries, it's a totally fake cry to get my attention and not a real something is wrong cry. Also she will cry out, wait like 30 seconds, and then do it again. Total diva. But if I let her be she just goes to sleep without any real tears. Victory!
Milestones: Blows bubbles, will stand in your lap if you let her put her feet down and hold her steady, holds her neck up FOREVER, looks around and moves her head in a fluid motion, smiles all the time, giggles, makes a million different types of noises,
Clothes: Oh, do I ever love dressing this kid up! We got some adorable outfits for Christmas and combined with her spoling from showers I just have so much fun putting her little outfits on. I always make sure what she's wearing is nice and comfy. To be honest I dress her up kinda like me right now: leggings, sweatshirts and boots. Haha! She looks so much cuter than me though. She is 0-3 months right now. I think she will fit in this size for awhile except for PJs, because she is so long!
Diapers: Size 1. I have tried Pampers Swaddlers, Baby Dry and the Target brand and swaddlers and definitely my favorite. They're so much softer than the other ones.
Likes: Me! Seriously, she is a little bit of a mama's girl and that's totally fine with me, even though I suspect it's because I'm the one with the milk. She also loves snuggling with her dad and grandparents/aunts/uncles! She also loves: standing up, her dangly things on her bouncy chair and swing, baths with mama, when you reply to her babbling, any kind of lights (instant calm in front of the Christmas tree, pretty sure I'm not taking it down till we move), her hands. She doesn't LIKE headbands per say, but she doesn't seem to notice them which is a win in my book!
Dislikes: Having a cold apparently! She was having a nightly meltdown for about a week prior to being obviously sick so thinking that had something to do with it. Honestly though, she's a very happy baby! We are so lucky.
Big Sister Layla: Yes, we are those people. Layla is doing great, she loves Arianna and loves to sneak kisses behind her ear. The first time Layla came in to bed and Arianna was in her basinett, Layla was looking everywere in the room for her until she figured out where she was. Our little living area is downstairs and Layla pretty much always wants to be upstairs where the food and action is with Nana and Grandpa so she only comes down to check on us and sleep. Hopefully she doesn't mind just living with her boring parents when we move into our apartment! :-P
Baby gear we love: I am so, so happy with our carseat and stroller that we got from Leigh's parents and his uncle) the Britax B-Safe and B-Agile. It clicks together with one click and seems really comfortable for her. I love that it's all black and doesn't scream baby-ish as some sets do. I'm not gonna lie, carrying her in the carseat is not light by any means but I do notice I'm getting pretty strong! We also got this humidifier from my parents for Christmas, it's pink and displays stars on the ceiling that change colour which she loves. Not a product, but I'm so thankful I found the super swaddle on youtube! It's added a lot of time to her sleep, especially naps. She would always wake up after 40 mins max and now she will sleep for up to 3 hours! I use a small receiving blanket and a Hudson Baby muslin blanket for the swaddle.
Things I don't want to forget:
When she wakes up in the morning, she gives the most adorable shy happy smile and it's such a look of love I can't even believe it. It's like in the movies where the guy winks at the girl in the bar and she looks around like "who, me?". That's how I feel when she looks at me like that like that, I feel like the luckiest mama in the world.
All in all, I am so happy we made it to two months and if I had a time machine I would go back to November 3rd and tell my hospital gown clad self that the next little while was going to suck for real, but it would get sooo much easier and not to worry so darn much. I finally feel like I'm in the swing of things and most days I feel like a pretty awesome Mom, to tell you the truth. I never thought I would be natural at it but I FEEL natural. It feels pretty easy 99.9 percent of the time and I'm going to enjoy that while it lasts.